Do you speak life or death?

When I was younger I went to an event called ‘World Thinking Day’ with Girl guiding. It was held in Telford and attended by hundreds of girls. That particular year, we were  looking at different cultures. There were activity, weird tasting food and we got to meet some epic people.

One of those people was a lady from South Africa. I don’t remember much of the activity we did with her but she said something that has stayed with me even today.

Your words are powerful but your words can hurt. 

As a 11-year-old I had already experienced several times how hurtful words could be yet I’d never considered them to be powerful

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It’s been a while since I mentioned my recovery from the ED hasn’t it?

I’ve been on a whorl wind of a journey and it’s not over yet. But in the last two weeks God’s really shifted something in my heart and I’ve committed to full, 100%, compleat recovery.

I can say now that I will beat it and I will recover.

Getting to this point has been hard. I’ve technically been ‘recovering’ since I developed the ED however, all of these attempts have been half-hearted and without God. If I’m honest, I haven’t really wanted to get better. I knew I had to get better, so I tried to, but I didn’t really want to.

I’ve had the ED for two years and that’s two years my life that has been wasted.

Considering I’ve only been recovering for two weeks now, I’m still needing a lot of support. There is no way that I could have gotten this far without God and my boyfriend’s constant reassurance.

I’ve found that the closer I draw to God, the easier it is to fight it, to get better. I’m not saying that recovery is easy, because it’s not, but I’m slowly learning to lean on God’s strength and not my own. Not to mention surrounding myself in his word brings my attention back to his love for me and doesn’t let me get sideswiped too easily by my own self hatred.

So on the subject of how powerful words are, especially God’s word, I’d like to share this with you as it was a bit of an eye opener for me.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, what we say can ever bring life or death.

Let that sink in.

What you say, can either bring life or death.

In most cases this can be applied to what we say to other people. That verse teaches us that we need to be kind to our neighbors and friends because as a Christian we can either be speaking life or death into their life.

What what about speaking into our own lives?

I know I’m not the only one who speaks to myself or lets my mind run off in a misguided rant. Wether you realise it or not, you are constantly speaking into your own life.

Let me explain…

When I speak from my anxiety or the ED I am speaking death over myself. When I say I’m worthless, I’m broken, I’m pathetic, I don’t deserve recovery, I’m fat, I am speaking death over myself.

God didn’t create me so I could hate myself. No, God created me with a plan and a purpose. So when I’m speaking death into my life I’m walking further and further away from God.

You might be the type of person who has a good chunnter at yourself if you’ve gotten something wrong, or you might be like me who constantly hounds myself with negative thoughts. If someone snaps at me my immediate though is that I’m pathetic, they’re right I can’t do anything. I don’t stop to think if that person is just having a though time else where and is simply taking it out on me. Or if I walk by a mirror my immediate though is I’m so fat I need to lose weight. Either way though these negative comments are not good for us.

John 10:10 tells us that the thief (Satan) only comes to steal, kill and destroy and it’s so right. By speaking death into our lives we’re just doing the devils job for him. We’re creating an opening for him to come into our lives to steal and destroy.

So how about we stop that?

God gives us the ability to speak life into out own lives, please don’t mistake that as a green light for pride and arrogance because it’s not. What it is though is the ability to read the word of God and speak those promises over our lives. If you’ve had a word of knowledge or a picture off someone speak that over yourself. You are who God says you are.

Instead of speaking death I can say something else. I can say I am loved, I am made whole in Christ, I am deserving of recovery, I am a child of God. All of these statements are coming from a place of love and identity in Christ. I can only speak life into my life if I let God into my life, because he’s the only one who can give life. 

It is through God that I can say that I deserve to recover from anorexia.

I have a long way to go before I can live a life free of the ED, but I’m getting there. It’s hard and it’s a conscious decision every day to walk with God and to not listen to the lies of the enemy. But it’s going to be worth it.

To wrap up this post I’d like to leave you with a question. I’ve started asking myself it every time I think about myself. I know I was surprised, and somewhat saddened by my answer, but I’m working towards being kinder on myself. So I’d like to offer that same question to you.

Are you speaking life or death into your own life?

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Make me anew

I’ve spent the last week decorating at home with my mum. It’s been a tad overdue but it’s finally getting sorted.

Personally, I’ve never decorated before or painted a wall. Sure I can paint a canvas, so how hard could it be? We’ve been living at this house for a good 16 years so I can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure of making a room our own. But last August the opportunity arose to make ‘The Barn’ our own.

‘The Barn’ is the lean-to at the side of the house. It’s this funny combination of a shed and a conservatory that links the house to the garage. It sounds fancy, but it’s called ‘The Barn’ for a reason. It leaks, it’s moldy as the garage and it’s cold, but it’s secure. It also looked like a barn when it was occupied by mums old partner.

The Barn is now ours and with free access for the first time in years, we’ve decided to turn it into a proper room.  Continue reading “Make me anew”

The best advice my parents have given me about evangelism

Having divorced parents means that it’s quite rare my mum and dad will see eye to eye on a subject. However, there are the occasions where their advice compliments one another’s. One of these times came in the form of me sharing my faith with my peers.

I really like telling people about God, especially my friends. If I care about you in the slightest, I’ll want you to know God and what Jesus did for you on the cross.

However, none of my friends have given their life to God and as a young, easily excitable Christian, I can find myself getting quite down about it. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’m not afraid to tell them about God, to offer to pray with them and attempt to live a life that reflects Jesus. Continue reading “The best advice my parents have given me about evangelism”

Not as I had expected

Hope you’ve all had a meaningful Easter.

I’m currently hiding behind a new laptop and am not home, so this post will be short and to the point… for once…

Last year I did a weeks work experience at the Christian Schools Worker Project (CSWP). I shadowed a lovely young woman who was passionate about God and I really enjoyed my time there.

Something that I spotted in her office was her prayer wall. I thought that the idea behind it was really cool. I don’t know about you, but my prayer life is a bit all over the place. I find it hard to remember what I’m meant to be praying for and I never really recognise when prayer has been answered (unless it’s something big and smacks me in the face). Continue reading “Not as I had expected”

Bullet Journal pages that I can’t do without

Life can get a little hectic right?

It doesn’t matter if you’re at college, university, work or just live a busy lifestyle. All of us can feel a tad overwhelmed at point. Or if you’re like me and you’re attempting to do a million things at once, well… you can feel like you’re drowning on a good day.

We’re only human, so it’s next to impossible to remember ever date, meeting and task. So a lot of us turn to planners to try to make sence of everything.

But a normal planer never did it for me.

I’m not sure if it was just too restrictive, inflexible or just too boring to want to use. I simply didn’t get a long with them. However, I needed something to get everything on paper.

Then I discovered bullet journaling. Continue reading “Bullet Journal pages that I can’t do without”

What was in it for me?

In my last post I mentioned that I was doing two weeks work experience at Designs In mind as part of my course. Now that I’ve finished my time there and I’m back at college, I thought that now would be a great time to do a reflection of the last two weeks.

If I had to describe what the place is my reply would be something along the lines of a really big smile appearing on my face. I can’t tell you enough just how much I love this place, as I’m sure you’re going to realise by the end of this post. However, a big smile as an explanation doesn’t really benefit you guys. Continue reading “What was in it for me?”