End of an era

This post feels like the end of a chapter, it’s going to be my last time writing to you guys before I go to University. In a few days time I’ll be settling into my new room and living alone for the first time in my life, to say I’m terrified would be an understatement. I’m excited, but I’m scared too.

I know that my first month at uni is going to be on the crazy side and seeing as I’m studying writing I’m really not sure how often I’m going to be able to blog. I think my writing muscles are going to be exhausted from my course. I’m not going anywhere though, don’t worry. I know I’ve dropped from posting weekly to biweekly but that doesn’t mean my blogging days are over. I’ve discovered that I have more hobbies than just blogging, I love art and I even started my own art account on Instagram to share my work. I set up my own Etsy store because I love to make things and bring a smile to people’s faces. I’ve been learning a lot about myself recently and it’s been very valuable to me. By blogging less, it’s made me enjoy it more. I’m talking to you guys because I want to and not because I feel like I have to.

I guess the reason I wanted to write today was to say thank you to you guys as I know I’m not going to be around as much for a bit.

I know this kinda sounds like a fairwell post but I promise that it’s not, I just want to say thank you to you all. I’ve been reflecting on life this past week as I pack my things and I’ve realised I have a lot to be thankful for. When I started this blog I just wanted a release for my struggles. I hoped that in sharing my story with the world that I’d somehow help someone out there. What I didn’t expect was to grow an audience and community of people all around the world. Writing this blog helped me grow more confident in my writing and in turn, I felt able to apply to my dream university.

The times I’ve shared my difficulties, or shown a more vulnerable side to me, I’ve been met by nothing by kindness. When I’ve tried something new, you guys have been so encouraging. What I’ve learned by running this small corner of the internet is so valuable and I want to thank you for being a part in that.

I have a lot of exciting and challenging things planned for this blog, you’re just going be patient with me in the next month or so as I find my feet in a new place. I will be popping up in other places too, I’ve been part of a few collaborations with fellow bloggers that are coming out in September and October ( make sure you’re following me on Twitter if you want to be notified of when they’re live). So by no means is this fare well, it’s just an end to a chapter and an exciting, hopeful start to a new one.

I’m looking forward to talking to you all very soon.

If you want to support my blog whilst I’m away, I have an Etsy, Redbubble store and a ko-fi page. I’ll still be checking my email, so if you want to chat I’m still going to be around don’t worry.

Etsy store

Redbubble

Ko-fi

Art account (come say hi!) –

Why photography is important for my mental health

How many times have you been told by someone that when you’re feeling down you should get yourself outside, or better yet go for a run? It’s no secret that getting out and excersis has a possitive effect on your mood and health, it’s why doctors and therapists recomend it so often.

I now live in a house of runners, my mum got the bug first last year, I joined in and finally my brother gave it a go not long back and got that same bug. Before the running they were both active in walking and my brother was adamant that he would drag us up every mountain we came across (I’ve summited two so far, but I’m yet to do Snowdon even though that’s my most local mountain range). By observing them I can 100% agree of the benefits of getting out and excising has on your mental health.

But what happens when you can’t join in with those activities, what do you do then?

Me and exercise have always been a thing. I was a competitive dancer growing up and just had too much energy for my own good. I joined in with the mountainering with my family but found it unexciting. Then when I was 17 I developed anorexia and exercise took a different role all together. I tried running when I was recovering but then at 19 I developed a whole new bunch of problems with my feet that limits my mobility to this day, meaning I had to hang up my running shoes once again.

Going outside walking and exercising are both incresingly difficult tasks for me now, what really sucks for a 20 year old who’s trying to gain more inderpencae and hates sympathy. So how do I try and keep on top of my overall mood when my usual activities aren’t always an option? 

It’s simple, I pick up my camera.

Continue reading “Why photography is important for my mental health”

The stigma of using mobility aids as a young person.

So I brought a walking stick…

Not going to lie, shopping for a walking stick at 20 years old was a surreal experience. It was not something I ever expected to need and it was something I most certainly didn’t want. But here we are, I’m now the owner of a sparkly purple walking stick.

Long story short, for those who are new, I have chronic pain in my feet and through that I’ve now got dodgy knees and hips. For the past year and a bit I’ve been in some degree of pain every day what often causes me issues with walking or standing. Some days I’m fine and I can walk around normally without help as whilst I’m in pain it’s manageable (though these days are now few and far between). However, other days I’m in so much pain I can hardly walk let alone stand, for example today it took me an hour and a half to get out of bed. I have a cabin bed with a ladder and I was in too much pain to go down four steps… it kinda sucked.

In a bid to have some level of independence back and to allow me to be as normal as possible I eventually started to use crutches to help me get about. I started off with only using one but eventually moved on to two for more support. Using crutches comes with it’s own set of problems, my main one being that I was off to university soon and needed to be walking with less support so I could have a more normal uni experience. I thought they would create a barrier whilst I was there. I’ve also been getting stronger walking unaided for short periods of time, so I found that on better pain days the crutch (I’d only be using one) would cause more issues than help. It’s big and clunky and if I’m not in massive amounts of pain and not using it properly, it does more damage to my feet than good. So at the start of this week I made the decision to get a folding walking stick, one that I could keep in my bag at all times. It allows me to walk without aid for as long as I can manage, building up strength, but have the security of having an aid when the pain gets too much.

It’s taken me a long time to accept that I need mobility aids now, but I think I’m pretty much come to terms with it, and now that I do feel comfortable talking about it I can write about a topic that’s been bugging me since day one of my crutches – The stigma of using mobility aids as a young person.

Continue reading “The stigma of using mobility aids as a young person.”

Let’s talk about love – book review

These past few weeks I’ve had the pleasure of reading Let’s talk about love by Claire Kann. I’d spotted this book not too long back online, I’d read a few reviews and was finding myself pleasantly surprised with what I was reading from fellow bloggers. Truth be told, love stories really aren’t my thing. As a sub plot they’re fine but I’ve never gone down the whole romance route before and had few intentions to do so. However, I’d never before came across a character who was asexual so I was curious to read it and how the author would portray them. Continue reading “Let’s talk about love – book review”

Being vulnerable online and remembering the start

A pretty cool date slipped under the radar yesterday, it was this blogs second birthday. It’s been two whole years since I published my very first post ‘Breaking it down’

I did start writing a post to reflect on two years of blogging however, if you’ve been keeping up to date with my posts then you’ll know that I’ve been letting myself relax more with my blog for my own health. I used to keep to a weekly schedule with my posts but as my physical and me natal health took a turn for the worst, I made the decision to relax my grip on myself regarding my blog and only post when I feel up to it (hopefully by doing this you guys will also benefit from better content to). So yes, there’s a partial post in my drafts pile reflecting on two years of blogging, but I was in no shape to finish it… sorry.

Today however, I’m feeling a bit more up to writing so I’m thinking I want to draw on some of the points from reflecting on my blog’s second birthday and some more recent events and do a bit of a Q&A.  Continue reading “Being vulnerable online and remembering the start”

What you seek

Sometimes I’m still insecure about my weight.

After everything that happened last August and God completely healing me of anorexia, I haven’t quite accepted this new body of mine yet. It’s not even like my weight gain was all that bad once I no longer had the eating disorder, I expected to blow up like a balloon and to be uncontrollably eating but that never happened. Sure to start with I was pretty bloated around the stomach area (after long periods of starvation your body doesn’t trust you so any fat it gains goes straight to your tummy area to protect all your vital organs) and my face was a little more squishy from my body retaining water. But in all honesty, I didn’t gain all that much and I didn’t get all that bigger either. Sure, I don’t own any scales and haven’t weighed myself since the disorder was no longer in my life, so mass wise I may have gained but in my physically appearance it wasn’t as scary as I expected.

I understand that at some point everyone is a little insecure about how their body looks and I know some of my insecurity’s do stem from that, and that’s ok. But my more deep insecurity’s about my body come from seeing other people who suffer from an eating disorder themselves and are at a dangerously low weight.

I don’t use the word triggering all that often, mainly because I think people have made it too mainstream and forgot the true meaning and power that word has. But using the word to it’s full seriousness, I still find unhealthy thin people triggering, it makes me wounder what I could have looked like if I just ran with my eating disorder just that little bit longer, maybe then all of the pain would have been worth it? It’s something I’ve felt a great deal of shame towards because God took away my eating disorder, so why do I miss it sometimes?

Continue reading “What you seek”