I am worth more than an illness

If any of you guys are in education then you’ll know that the academic year is drawing to an end and for some of us, it’s coming to an end for good. I’ve spoken several times how this is my last year in college. Due to still suffering with an ED I thought it a good idea to take a year out before I moved out to University.

Unlike most, in my year out I won’t be exploring the world but instead I’ll be working and let me tell you something now, I’m beyond anxious. Don’t get my wrong, I love where I work, whilst it can be a tad crazy at points, I’m working with some fantastic people and I truly do enjoy what I do. I couldn’t think of a better place for me to be. Yet despite this I’m still anxious.

I’ve been thinking long and hard as to why I’m so anxious about college coming to an end and me starting full-time work. I know the people I’ll be working with (and I like them all), I know the place, I know my job, what is there for me to be anxious about? But after much thought I think I know why.

I’m going to be joining the adult world.

I know I’m already an adult by law but I’ve been sheltered from all the ‘adulness’ for two years. Being 19 I’m three years older than my class mates and it shows. I have a much more mature attitude than everyone else what has been quite lonely at points. However, I’ve had the same level of responsibly as them all, so have had no real need to be the ‘adult’ as that’s the tutors job. But in a few weeks I’m going to be joining this completely different world and I’m not prepared for it.

Continue reading “I am worth more than an illness”

5 things college has taught me about my mental health

College is coming to a close. Students are running around in a blind panic and tutors are close to banging their head on a wall. Yes the end of the academic year will soon be upon us, and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

I’ve been at college for 3 years now and I am ready for it to end!

My first two years of forensic science were not too bad, but this final year of business has really seen me off. But despite these 3 years having a tone of difficulty’s and hardships, they’ve taught me an awful lot (I’m not just talking academically either). These 3 years have taught me so much about how to look after my mental health and that’s what I’d like to share with you today.

5 things that college has taught me about my mental health. Continue reading “5 things college has taught me about my mental health”

Knowing when to let go

Today I’m breaking my radio silence about my recovery.

It’s a bitter-sweet post, there’s going to be good and bad. I don’t really want to share the bad, I don’t want to tell you all about my failures but I think I owe it to you guys. What type of role model would I be if I only showed the good side of thing? So, you’ll get to hear it all today, what’s apprehensive for me to be writing about.

So here we go.

The truth guys, the eating disorder has let go of me but I haven’t let go of it.

I can’t let anorexia go. Continue reading “Knowing when to let go”

Make me anew

I’ve spent the last week decorating at home with my mum. It’s been a tad overdue but it’s finally getting sorted.

Personally, I’ve never decorated before or painted a wall. Sure I can paint a canvas, so how hard could it be? We’ve been living at this house for a good 16 years so I can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure of making a room our own. But last August the opportunity arose to make ‘The Barn’ our own.

‘The Barn’ is the lean-to at the side of the house. It’s this funny combination of a shed and a conservatory that links the house to the garage. It sounds fancy, but it’s called ‘The Barn’ for a reason. It leaks, it’s moldy as the garage and it’s cold, but it’s secure. It also looked like a barn when it was occupied by mums old partner.

The Barn is now ours and with free access for the first time in years, we’ve decided to turn it into a proper room.  Continue reading “Make me anew”

Dancing did not create a monster

This post is quite a significant one for me to write. For you guys reading it might not feel like such a big thing, but for me it’s just massive.

I’m taking a break from writing about anorexia.

This post will be my last one for a little bit about my ED. This week is EDAW, so I feel that it would be worth me talking about my ED, but after this one I’m taking a break.

I’m still going to be blogging, I’ll still be here. I might still post a few things about mental heath because I think it’s a really important topic, but anorexia will take a bit of a back burner.

This does not mean I’m recovered. I’m not, I’m really not. But I am making progress. Continue reading “Dancing did not create a monster”

More than a before and after photo

As I write this post, I’m on holiday. I wasn’t too sure if I should be blogging on my time off especially because I’m ill, but there were some things on my chest and by the time I make it home, the topic that I’m going to be talking about would have already started.

So, hello from Scotland!

I’ve been going to the same resort year in year out for the majority of my life. At the age of 18 this will be the last time I’m at this resort and most likely this town as well, what’s a little saddening but I’m grateful for all the time I’ve had here.

One of the beauty’s of going to the same place every year is the collection of photos that I’ve acquired. I have a time line to my life in year long snippets. It’s amazing to see. Continue reading “More than a before and after photo”