It’s ok to let yourself rest during lockdown

I originally had something completely different ready for this week’s post however, in-light of recent events I thought it’d be worth addressing something else today. I think everyone is aware what’s going off around the world with the COVID-19 virus and all the confusion that’s bringing with it.

Last Monday the UK finally went on lockdown. Thankfully my Dad had picked me up from Uni on the Saturday and I’m living with him, so I’m no longer in beautiful Wales. I’m sad to be leaving Bangor so early but I’m grateful that I’m home and with family.
I’ve found the whole situation to be so surreal, I’ve been in this bubble at University and now it’s burst. The world is feeling very big and a lot more scary than normal. I was getting updates from the University, but I just didn’t realise how bad things were getting, I don’t look at the news and I’ve cut down on my time on social media, so I’ve very much been in the dark with things.

The original plan was to come to my Dad’s and then get a job over the summer but with lockdown and general social distancing there isn’t exactly any jobs going at the moment. Other than my assignment work for Uni I have very little to be doing for the foreseeable future.

I’m going to make my time indoors as meaningful as possible, so I sat down with my planner and decided what I wanted out of my summer. I need some sort of routine. Keeping a structure is an integral part of keeping my anxiety and depression at bay and with all the anxiety’s this virus has created, a structure is more important than ever.
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Getting a good night sleep- weighted blanket review

Getting a decent night sleep is a bit of a challenge for me, especially since I’ve been at university. As a kid I could only sleep if I had pressure on my head, what often resulted in me curling into a ball in the middle of my bed half suffocating myself with the covers pilled on top of me. It wasn’t until I was 15 that I got out of this habit after a particularly hot summer resulted in me not being able to cover my whole body and head with a winter duvet. But five years later I still like having weight on me as I sleep, no matter how how it is.

When the time came for me to start shopping for university I made sure a thick duvet was on my shopping list, but I struggled to find one with the weight that my old one had. This issues made me think back to the previous year when I had been researching autism and I’d came across these things called weighted blankets. At the time I loved the sound of them, but the price tag put me off and I was doing just fine with my current duvet and blanket combo, so I never got one. But after researching it a bit more in the past few months as my moving day drew closer, I decided that this was a product that I was interested in and thought would benefit me.

In my final few months at work I put money aside to save up for my weighted blanket and a month before I moved, I ordered one. Continue reading “Getting a good night sleep- weighted blanket review”

Why photography is important for my mental health

How many times have you been told by someone that when you’re feeling down you should get yourself outside, or better yet go for a run? It’s no secret that getting out and excersis has a possitive effect on your mood and health, it’s why doctors and therapists recomend it so often.

I now live in a house of runners, my mum got the bug first last year, I joined in and finally my brother gave it a go not long back and got that same bug. Before the running they were both active in walking and my brother was adamant that he would drag us up every mountain we came across (I’ve summited two so far, but I’m yet to do Snowdon even though that’s my most local mountain range). By observing them I can 100% agree of the benefits of getting out and excising has on your mental health.

But what happens when you can’t join in with those activities, what do you do then?

Me and exercise have always been a thing. I was a competitive dancer growing up and just had too much energy for my own good. I joined in with the mountainering with my family but found it unexciting. Then when I was 17 I developed anorexia and exercise took a different role all together. I tried running when I was recovering but then at 19 I developed a whole new bunch of problems with my feet that limits my mobility to this day, meaning I had to hang up my running shoes once again.

Going outside walking and exercising are both incresingly difficult tasks for me now, what really sucks for a 20 year old who’s trying to gain more inderpencae and hates sympathy. So how do I try and keep on top of my overall mood when my usual activities aren’t always an option? 

It’s simple, I pick up my camera.

Continue reading “Why photography is important for my mental health”

What you seek

Sometimes I’m still insecure about my weight.

After everything that happened last August and God completely healing me of anorexia, I haven’t quite accepted this new body of mine yet. It’s not even like my weight gain was all that bad once I no longer had the eating disorder, I expected to blow up like a balloon and to be uncontrollably eating but that never happened. Sure to start with I was pretty bloated around the stomach area (after long periods of starvation your body doesn’t trust you so any fat it gains goes straight to your tummy area to protect all your vital organs) and my face was a little more squishy from my body retaining water. But in all honesty, I didn’t gain all that much and I didn’t get all that bigger either. Sure, I don’t own any scales and haven’t weighed myself since the disorder was no longer in my life, so mass wise I may have gained but in my physically appearance it wasn’t as scary as I expected.

I understand that at some point everyone is a little insecure about how their body looks and I know some of my insecurity’s do stem from that, and that’s ok. But my more deep insecurity’s about my body come from seeing other people who suffer from an eating disorder themselves and are at a dangerously low weight.

I don’t use the word triggering all that often, mainly because I think people have made it too mainstream and forgot the true meaning and power that word has. But using the word to it’s full seriousness, I still find unhealthy thin people triggering, it makes me wounder what I could have looked like if I just ran with my eating disorder just that little bit longer, maybe then all of the pain would have been worth it? It’s something I’ve felt a great deal of shame towards because God took away my eating disorder, so why do I miss it sometimes?

Continue reading “What you seek”