Here for life

Honest question, how involved have you been feeling with your life lately?

It’s a funny question I know, but do you truly feel engaged with your life or do you feel like you’re on a hamster wheel simply going through the motions?

For me, I’ve been feeling like I’ve just been sitting back and watching time slip past. I wake up, go to work, come home, eat tea, go to sleep and then repeat. Nothing is bad, but then nothing is making me excited for the day either as I’m sure many of you can relate.

Thinking about this I feel like my main problem is a little thing called mindless scrolling. We’ve all been there, you’ve sat down and a few seconds later your phone is in your hand and you’re doing that thumb motion scrolling through social media. You’re not particularly taking in any sort of information, you’re simply scrolling with no real purpose. How often do we do this? Truth be told I struggle to sit down with a book now because my attention span is shot and I want to see if anything has changed on my twitter feed in the last 30 seconds. By no means am I addicted to my phone, but I do have an unhealthy relationship with it and social media.


When I have the time to do something, like read a book or spend some time reading my bible or even pick up my sketchbook, I simply don’t have the energy to. It’s not that I’ve had a hard day and want to nap, I just feel like it requires too much brain power and scrolling through social media is far easier than that.

I’m starting to think that this lack of feeling engadged with my own life is partially caused by this need to be mindlessly scrolling on my social media pages. It’s not like I can justify it with my blog and call it work either (because let’s be real, how often do I post on Instagram?). I simply waste so much time in front a screen that making me feel a bit rubbish about myself.

So a few days ago I made the decision to uninstall Instagram on my phone. My account is still up and running, just the app is no longer on my phone.

I’d like to share with you my last few days. Continue reading “Here for life”

English afternoons

Today I was introduced to the delightful thing called cream tea with my mum. As part of her birthday present we traveled over to Ruthin Castle for a fun afternoon together. Over the years I’ve been able to appreciate time spent with my mum so much more than when I was younger. Through my recovery we would spend precious time in coffee shops and cafes making as many happy memories as possible in environments where I would have usually struggled in alone. Even though I’m now recovered from anorexia we still make a point of going out when we can and just enjoy each others company.

Part of making memories in the 21st century is with our phones and my mum and myself are no different. You’ll be proud to hear that I don’t take any overhead, flat lay style photos of my food (I resist that urge quite well I think), but a photo that we always take is a head and shoulders photo of each other with what ever food we’re going to eat.  I’m not sure why we started doing that one but over time I’ve gathered a little collection of them and today we added one more to that collection. Continue reading “English afternoons”

Emotional fizzle

It’s taken me three weeks to write this post. There has been 4 different versions and none of them have felt right. Having something so demanding to write whilst going through the motions and problems I was discussing in this post was a challenge to say the least. It’s not that it was difficult to write, more I just couldn’t write it. So, there’s no intro to this. I’m just diving head first as I think a few people need to hear this. Continue reading “Emotional fizzle”

Here I am

Well here we are folks, back sitting in my favorite coffee shop, hot chocolate by my side and a bowel of monkey fuel to my left (their version of porridge). I’ve just finished my session with my counselor and I feel like an end of a season is approaching.

I’ve been in counselling for just over 2 years now, something I’m thankful to look back on. I’ve seen three different people in those years, all with their own style and approach to the problems I bring with me to the sessions. The time and caring nature those people have brought to my life is something I’m incredibly grateful for. They have all truly gone above and beyond for me.

I’m sat here, calm and content.

I truly believe my time seeing someone might be up. Continue reading “Here I am”

How blogging in 2018 made a difference

Well here we are folks, 2018 is almost up. We have a few days until Christmas and then is a quick ride till the new year. Where has the past 12 months gone?

I can’t say I’m big on new years resolutions and self-reflection for the passing year was never my thing and yet here I am writing this. If you’re on twitter now is the time where you find funny hashtags like #2018infivewords and other short bursts of witty humor grace our screens. Got to admit though, most of them hold a dark sense of humor to the fact that for most, 2018 has been a bit of a rubbish year.

When I look back to the last 356 days I seem to naturally start gravitating to the more negative aspects, the things that left a funny, unpleasant taste in my mouth for the rest of the year. It’d be so easy for me to only look at the hardship and pain leaving me agreeing with twitter in saying 2018 was a rubbish year. But unlike most I have a memory bank that allows me to not forget any moment that matters, and that memory bank come in the form of this blog.

When scrolling back over this years posts, my life that I’ve shared with thousands of people on the internet, I can’t help but feel a whole heap of respect for this year. It’s by no means been easy, but 2018 has been a year that’s truly made a difference. So I’m breaking out of the negativity and sharing with you all today how blogging in 2018 has made a diffrence.

I hope you enjoy


Continue reading “How blogging in 2018 made a difference”

Why I was wrong about self care

At the start of the year I wrote a post explaining why I didn’t partake in self-care and wasn’t keen on it being the latest trend. The post was titled Why self care days aren’t for me and was triggered by a session with my counsellor who had challenged me to participate in some good old self-care. Looking back I can feel like I argued my point well and very much at the time stood by what I said, but it was a written way of me digging my heels into the ground and finding as many reasons as possible to not be nice to myself.

It’s been what, a good six months since that post was wrote? A whole lot has changed since then, the biggest one being I’ve been free of anorexia for three months! This month and a bit I’ve had to make a fair amount of changes to my lifestyle and how I treat myself and do some serious thinking on how to be nice to me. So I’m going to start this post off with one simple statement.

I was wrong about self-care.

Continue reading “Why I was wrong about self care”