Do you speak life or death?

When I was younger I went to an event called ‘World Thinking Day’ with Girl guiding. It was held in Telford and attended by hundreds of girls. That particular year, we were  looking at different cultures. There were activity, weird tasting food and we got to meet some epic people.

One of those people was a lady from South Africa. I don’t remember much of the activity we did with her but she said something that has stayed with me even today.

Your words are powerful but your words can hurt. 

As a 11-year-old I had already experienced several times how hurtful words could be yet I’d never considered them to be powerful

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It’s been a while since I mentioned my recovery from the ED hasn’t it?

I’ve been on a whorl wind of a journey and it’s not over yet. But in the last two weeks God’s really shifted something in my heart and I’ve committed to full, 100%, compleat recovery.

I can say now that I will beat it and I will recover.

Getting to this point has been hard. I’ve technically been ‘recovering’ since I developed the ED however, all of these attempts have been half-hearted and without God. If I’m honest, I haven’t really wanted to get better. I knew I had to get better, so I tried to, but I didn’t really want to.

I’ve had the ED for two years and that’s two years my life that has been wasted.

Considering I’ve only been recovering for two weeks now, I’m still needing a lot of support. There is no way that I could have gotten this far without God and my boyfriend’s constant reassurance.

I’ve found that the closer I draw to God, the easier it is to fight it, to get better. I’m not saying that recovery is easy, because it’s not, but I’m slowly learning to lean on God’s strength and not my own. Not to mention surrounding myself in his word brings my attention back to his love for me and doesn’t let me get sideswiped too easily by my own self hatred.

So on the subject of how powerful words are, especially God’s word, I’d like to share this with you as it was a bit of an eye opener for me.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, what we say can ever bring life or death.

Let that sink in.

What you say, can either bring life or death.

In most cases this can be applied to what we say to other people. That verse teaches us that we need to be kind to our neighbors and friends because as a Christian we can either be speaking life or death into their life.

What what about speaking into our own lives?

I know I’m not the only one who speaks to myself or lets my mind run off in a misguided rant. Wether you realise it or not, you are constantly speaking into your own life.

Let me explain…

When I speak from my anxiety or the ED I am speaking death over myself. When I say I’m worthless, I’m broken, I’m pathetic, I don’t deserve recovery, I’m fat, I am speaking death over myself.

God didn’t create me so I could hate myself. No, God created me with a plan and a purpose. So when I’m speaking death into my life I’m walking further and further away from God.

You might be the type of person who has a good chunnter at yourself if you’ve gotten something wrong, or you might be like me who constantly hounds myself with negative thoughts. If someone snaps at me my immediate though is that I’m pathetic, they’re right I can’t do anything. I don’t stop to think if that person is just having a though time else where and is simply taking it out on me. Or if I walk by a mirror my immediate though is I’m so fat I need to lose weight. Either way though these negative comments are not good for us.

John 10:10 tells us that the thief (Satan) only comes to steal, kill and destroy and it’s so right. By speaking death into our lives we’re just doing the devils job for him. We’re creating an opening for him to come into our lives to steal and destroy.

So how about we stop that?

God gives us the ability to speak life into out own lives, please don’t mistake that as a green light for pride and arrogance because it’s not. What it is though is the ability to read the word of God and speak those promises over our lives. If you’ve had a word of knowledge or a picture off someone speak that over yourself. You are who God says you are.

Instead of speaking death I can say something else. I can say I am loved, I am made whole in Christ, I am deserving of recovery, I am a child of God. All of these statements are coming from a place of love and identity in Christ. I can only speak life into my life if I let God into my life, because he’s the only one who can give life. 

It is through God that I can say that I deserve to recover from anorexia.

I have a long way to go before I can live a life free of the ED, but I’m getting there. It’s hard and it’s a conscious decision every day to walk with God and to not listen to the lies of the enemy. But it’s going to be worth it.

To wrap up this post I’d like to leave you with a question. I’ve started asking myself it every time I think about myself. I know I was surprised, and somewhat saddened by my answer, but I’m working towards being kinder on myself. So I’d like to offer that same question to you.

Are you speaking life or death into your own life?

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Dancing did not create a monster

This post is quite a significant one for me to write. For you guys reading it might not feel like such a big thing, but for me it’s just massive.

I’m taking a break from writing about anorexia.

This post will be my last one for a little bit about my ED. This week is EDAW, so I feel that it would be worth me talking about my ED, but after this one I’m taking a break.

I’m still going to be blogging, I’ll still be here. I might still post a few things about mental heath because I think it’s a really important topic, but anorexia will take a bit of a back burner.

This does not mean I’m recovered. I’m not, I’m really not. But I am making progress. Continue reading “Dancing did not create a monster”

More than a before and after photo

As I write this post, I’m on holiday. I wasn’t too sure if I should be blogging on my time off especially because I’m ill, but there were some things on my chest and by the time I make it home, the topic that I’m going to be talking about would have already started.

So, hello from Scotland!

I’ve been going to the same resort year in year out for the majority of my life. At the age of 18 this will be the last time I’m at this resort and most likely this town as well, what’s a little saddening but I’m grateful for all the time I’ve had here.

One of the beauty’s of going to the same place every year is the collection of photos that I’ve acquired. I have a time line to my life in year long snippets. It’s amazing to see. Continue reading “More than a before and after photo”

A book that shaped my recovery- Keys to FREEDOM

In August I went to an event called New Wine.

It was an amazing week of God moving and worship.

There was one thing I never touched on in any of my posts about that week, and that was the bookshop!

For those of you who read my post of my favorites of 2017, you will already know that I adore books. If you haven’t read it and you’re a book lover, check it out. You might find something that you enjoy. Continue reading “A book that shaped my recovery- Keys to FREEDOM”

Don’t let perfectionism get in the way of success.

Now that a full term at college is over, it’s time for our reports to be sent home to parents.

Some students dread them. Some, like me don’t really waste too much time worrying about them. I know that I haven’t been too irritating this year, so I don’t give them a second glance.

I’m not sure how it works in other colleges but in mine, the report gets sent to us students and not to our parents. The only thing our parents get is an email to say our reports are out, it’s up to us students to actually hand it over.

I was off ill yesterday, when they were posted on our accounts, so this morning in my free I say down in the library to have a look. Continue reading “Don’t let perfectionism get in the way of success.”

When the ground falls.

Today has by far been to most painful day I’ve experienced in a while.

On Tuesday’s I spend the beginning of my day in counselling. I’ve been having sessions for just over a year now and has always been a bit iffy from the very start.

I guess I never really wanted to see a councilor, in fact I fought it for a long time. In my eyes, only depressed business people saw counselors and that you would be sitting on a lonely couch in a sterile room as some shrink asked you how you felt when your cat died last year. None of this sounded appealing to me in the slightest.

But when I went to see my GP about my eating issues she had to refer me on to an organisation called CAMHS, the NHS’s child and adolescent mental health service. Continue reading “When the ground falls.”