Why I was wrong about self care

At the start of the year I wrote a post explaining why I didn’t partake in self-care and wasn’t keen on it being the latest trend. The post was titled Why self care days aren’t for me and was triggered by a session with my counsellor who had challenged me to participate in some good old self-care. Looking back I can feel like I argued my point well and very much at the time stood by what I said, but it was a written way of me digging my heels into the ground and finding as many reasons as possible to not be nice to myself.

It’s been what, a good six months since that post was wrote? A whole lot has changed since then, the biggest one being I’ve been free of anorexia for three months! This month and a bit I’ve had to make a fair amount of changes to my lifestyle and how I treat myself and do some serious thinking on how to be nice to me. So I’m going to start this post off with one simple statement.

I was wrong about self-care.

Continue reading “Why I was wrong about self care”

A book that shaped my recovery pt2 – Bloom

In April I brought this incredible book called Bloom, I was so excited when it arrived at my house and like all good blogger, I posted about it on social media with the promise of when I was done with it I’d write a review.

The journal is meant to be three months long, what puts this review well over due but there is a reason for that (what I’ll get into later).

The author of this book is a lovely young woman called Caralyn who has a blog called Beauty Beyond Bones. I feel like I don’t have to write much of an introduction about her blog because I have a hunch so many of you will already know about her and are possible already following it.

My own blog here is based on very similar things, I share my faith and how God has helped me overcome anorexia in my own life. So if you’re following me and like what I write, I’d really recommend you check out Caralyn’s blog if you’re not doing so already (I’ll link it at the end of the post).

So what is Bloom?

Bloom is an interactive journal wrote to help those suffering with anorexia. It’s based off scripture, the authors own experiences during her time as an impatient getting treatment for anorexia and her current day reflections as a young woman living a fully free and recovered life. Continue reading “A book that shaped my recovery pt2 – Bloom”

Life after anorexia, two months on

Hey guys, long time no see huh?

I’ve been MIA for a bit, I feel as if I left you all on a bit of a cliff hanger. There I was taking about finally being free of anorexia and then I disappeared for almost two months my longest break from blogging ever.

Well I’m feeling a little more up to blogging now, it’s been a surprisingly odd two months but I’ll fill you in on that in a bit.

Bur first things first I’d like to get start this off on a really cool note, I’ve been recovered from anorexia for just over two months now! I can say that finally hit home of how big a deal my healing of anorexia was. I ended up chatting briefly to an acquaintance of mine who used to suffer themselves from an eating disorder and just listening to how they spoke about themselves even after being recovered really made me realise how incredible my own healing was. It’s really humbling that God was gracious enough to heal me from my own eating disorder. If you haven’t already I’d ask that you checked out my last post that explained how all of that came about Let’s talk about faith.

Continue reading “Life after anorexia, two months on”

Lets talk about Faith.

Fun fact, when I started blogging I was originally going to go under a different name. I knew how personal my blog would become and felt too intimidated by people in my life knowing what I wrote about (like seriously, very few people knew I suffered from anorexia and I had every intention to keep it hidden). Instead of going by my first name, I was going to go by my middle name, Faith.

Of course here we are a year later and I’m not Faith. Truth be told I thought it was a bit cheesy if I was going to be sharing my faith in God and went by the name Faith as well. So I stuck with my own name and hoped that people who knew me wouldn’t stumble across my blog. I wasn’t ashamed of my faith (I’d happily talk to anyone about it) but I was ashamed of the eating disorder I also spoke about.

For those of you who don’t know I’ve suffered with anorexia for 2 years now, but despite blogging about it regularly, I don’t think I’ve ever told the full story. However, today I’m going to change that.

The other week I was back at New Wine United and serving on team again. It was an incredible week, I met some great people, had so much fun, got to help young people and see all the great things that God was doing that week. During that week something quite incredible happened to me. I didn’t blog about it straight away when I got home as I was still trying to process what had happened myself and I wanted to make sure it was real and just didn’t happen in the hype of the moment. But it’s been over a week since it happened nor has it stopped when I got home, so now feels like a good time to share it with you all. Continue reading “Lets talk about Faith.”

What real recovery looks like

“I haven’t felt free in a long time. I’m either trapped by anorexia or hindered by anxiety. I want to be FREE.”

“I’m literally at the cusp of recovery. I’m not in need of mans help at the moment, but God’s. I need to rely on him now, I needed to a long time ago. I CAN AND WILL LIVE A LIFE FREE OF THIS!!”

“I’ve never felt my heart cry out like this before. No matter how many counseling session I attend, how many books I read, coping strategies I use, I have never felt this before. I want to do more than cry because to cry doesn’t touch deep enough. I think I want to mourn, I want to let myself feel the pain I’ve kept behind bursting doors. Only Jesus knows what I’m feeling, I can’t trust this expression of pain to anyone else but him. He’s the only one who can feel it too.”

Above are three journal entries I’ve written within the last month.

Possibly for the first time in my life I’m understanding how hard it is to follow God every step of the way.

It’s really hard to follow God, there I said it.

To follow God through recovery is so hard. To hold Jesus’ hand is hard because he’s asking so much of me and yet nothing at all. I once read a quote that said God loves us just as we are, but too much to leave us this way. I’m trying to wrap my head around it. I am loved as I am, Jesus will have me just as I am, but I am loved too much to be left this way.

I’ve been told by so many people to just go to God. But just going to God doesn’t do anything. I have to GO to him. Continue reading “What real recovery looks like”

Exercising during recovery

I feel like this post could potentially get me a teeny tiny bit of backlash so I’m going to start off with a disclaimer. Everything I talk about today is of my own experience and no I’m not a doctor. If you’re in recovery from an ED yourself, please listen to what your doctor is saying to you about exercise and not me. They actually know what’s medically good for you. I’m just talking about my own experiences here and have had the all clear to be exercising under supervision. 

Now that the serious bit is over… I’ve started running and I’m loving it.

If 12-year-old me was reading this, they’d probably weep. Despite being a dancer, I found no pleasure in running what so ever. But now 7 years later, I’ve started to get the bug.

I can probably guarantee that some of you are probally thinking “you said you’re recovering from anorexia, why are you exercising? Have you relapsed?”

The answer is no, I haven’t relapsed nor is my disorder ‘fake’ becsue I’m running.

I while back I spoke about being a competitive dancer, and how I had so much energy as a kid that I was enrolled in two separate dance schools just so I could burn off the extra energy. All those years later, I’m still a ball full of energy. I’m a constant fidget and just need to get the energy out some how. Naturally, a lot has changed since I developed an eating disorder and it has stopped exercise for me. I’m not going to go into detail about my relationship with exercise at my worst points because I don’t want anyone who’s struggling to get any ideas, so you’re just going to have to take my word when I say I had a very bad relationship with working out.


Continue reading “Exercising during recovery”