Where you stand

I’m starting this post off by saying I’m well and truly exhausted at the moment. I’m at work tomorrow and really should be switching off for the night and trying to relax before the day arrives however, instead I feel compelled to write.

I’ve been feeling a little lost in my blog as of late, some of you more long term readers might have noticed a subtle shift in my words. I’ve been struggling to pin point what’s been causing the uneasiness, part of me even considered if this was my season of blogging drawing to a close. I’m starting to think I’ve cracked where things have been going a bit wonky, I think I’ve took my eyes off the real reason for this blog.

Lost In The Story was created as an outlet for my recovery of anorexia, a safe place where I could just talk to other people and no one at all. This blog started off anonymously, no one knew who I was. I was simply a girl fighting an eating disorder and trying to find God in the mess of it all. I was a science student with no plans for the future, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted a future. Eventually though a small community developed here, whilst we’re only a small group I think I do truly have the kindest and most encouraging readers going – you’re all amazing.

The first year of my blog passed and I finished my science qualification and decided to do an extra year and study business. I started to take my blog more seriously in this year, I was learning more and more and soon was putting what I learned into practice here. I felt more empowered to try and turn this into a potential side job one day. I was still sharing my faith and my struggles but I think this was the first real stumble for me. I said right when I first started that this blog was never about making money, it was about sharing God and all the amazing things he was doing in my life.

Things have developed from there, I made more connections in the blogging community and often felt bad about how small my blog was. I knew people who had been blogging for less than two months and had ten times the amount of readers I had and I felt ashamed of that. I felt ashamed of how I had shared my brokenness in the past, I felt that I had been attention seeking by telling you about my battle with anorexia. I’d been told by the person closest to me that my blog would always be a step in faith because I’d never know what impact I was having on people, I’d never know if I truly made a difference. But I’d tried to justify needed a bigger audience under the pretense that the more people who read my blog, the more lives I could hope of helping. In reality though, I’d become insecure in my worth and was seeking it through affirmation on my blogs following.

In August God healed me of the anorexia, he took it away. But please notice my choice of words there, God healed me. I never recovered from anorexia guys, that’s the honest truth. At no point did I recover, everything that happened was through God. Yes, I seaked treatment, I saw professional help and I was trying to get better but that final push wasn’t done by me.

So much happened after that August and as a result I took an unexpected two month break from blogging on here, I simply didn’t know what to say anymore. I never planed for the anorexia to go, there were no plans in regard to Lost In The Story for when that happened. I came away from those two months with a very grateful heart, but something wasn’t quite right with my writing and I think I’ve known for quite a while.

I felt ashamed to tell you guys that I still struggle.

Please don’t mistake my words here. I don’t struggle with an eating disorder anymore, when I say I’m free of it I mean it. However, I’m still a broken person.

I’m not sure where this idea came from but after my healing of anorexia I really belied I had to stay ok all of the time. I thought that because God healed me of it any laps of not being ok would compleatlty discredit what God did, that if people saw me still fighting things then they wouldn’t believe that God truly took the eating disorder away. But guys I suffer terribly with depression and sever anxiety, not to mention another one that I’m not comfortable sharing just yet. I have chronic pain in both my feet and some days I can’t walk. I try to present myself as this positive, empowered writer who has it all together but I’m not. I’m still fighting, I’m still struggling, I’m in so much pain and I’m tired.

I’ve never told you guys a lie, but I’ve not presented myself honestly though and boy does that sting to admit that.

It’s taken a lot but I’ve had to question what I’m really doing here. Is what I’m doing reflecting my faith and Jesus or am I doing this to feel better about myself and my insecurity? I’ve not been showing you guys the full picture since God healed me and it’s not ok.

I naturally obsess about numbers, it’s a reason I fell so far into anorexia, and combined with the confidence and empowerment I came away with after studying business, I think my posts became more about the numbers. I saw what my fellow more ‘successful’ bloggers were doing and tried to copy in the hopes it would make me feel of some value. At some point my eyes moved from knowing my value and identity was secure in Christ, to feeling my worth came from numbers- just like the anorexia.

It’s time for things to change.

This is my third post this week, something I’ve never done before and it was done on purpose. The advice that’s given to new bloggers is to post consistently, in doing so you’ll get more views and followers. I try to post weekly and I put a lot of pressure on myself to do so. But that won’t work if I’m going back to where I stood originally with my blog. If I want to do this with God then I can’t put him under a time pressure. I can’t say to him to teach me something new and exciting very week so I can blog more consistently to gain more readers.

From here on in I’m no longer going to be posting weekly, I’m going to write when I have something honest, uplifting and beneficial to write. I only work four days a week so Monday and Tuesday have always been blog writing days for me and it might take me a while to break out of that habit. You may also find that I’m still posting at the start of the week on those days, but that’ll be because I’ll have the time on those days to sit down and write properly. But it won’t be because I feel like I need to write weekly and if I post any later than Tuesday I’ve failed.


This post has been long overdue and I apologies for that. I got so caught up with wanting to make a career out of wiring, to turn my blog into something ‘successful’ to prove to people I wasn’t wasting my time by spending hours upon hours in front of my laptop, that I lost sight of why I started this blog. I tried to make myself interesting and likable to please you guys, forgetting that what drew most of you here was hearing a story of a broken young adult fighting anorexia.

I’m giving Lost In The Story back to God.

This blog was never supposed to be about me it was supposed to be about this incredible God who was walking by my side every step of the way. So today I’m letting my blog slip from my death grip of control.

I have a lot of things string in me, areas that I want to explore with God and see what happens, so by no means is this the end of my blog. This is more of an exciting new beginning and I hope you guys are excited… I know I am.

So this is me signing off, I’m really hoping that it won’t be long till I’m back posting and talking to you all but we’ll see. As much as I enjoy chatting with you guys I really don’t want to rush this. I’m still going to be replying to comments and my inbox is always open if you want to chat in the meantime so don’t worry, I’m not disappearing off the face of the earth. I just need to sort some stuff out first.

Take care of yourselves and I hope to be talking to you very soon.

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English afternoons

Today I was introduced to the delightful thing called cream tea with my mum. As part of her birthday present we traveled over to Ruthin Castle for a fun afternoon together. Over the years I’ve been able to appreciate time spent with my mum so much more than when I was younger. Through my recovery we would spend precious time in coffee shops and cafes making as many happy memories as possible in environments where I would have usually struggled in alone. Even though I’m now recovered from anorexia we still make a point of going out when we can and just enjoy each others company.

Part of making memories in the 21st century is with our phones and my mum and myself are no different. You’ll be proud to hear that I don’t take any overhead, flat lay style photos of my food (I resist that urge quite well I think), but a photo that we always take is a head and shoulders photo of each other with what ever food we’re going to eat.  I’m not sure why we started doing that one but over time I’ve gathered a little collection of them and today we added one more to that collection. Continue reading “English afternoons”

How blogging in 2018 made a difference

Well here we are folks, 2018 is almost up. We have a few days until Christmas and then is a quick ride till the new year. Where has the past 12 months gone?

I can’t say I’m big on new years resolutions and self-reflection for the passing year was never my thing and yet here I am writing this. If you’re on twitter now is the time where you find funny hashtags like #2018infivewords and other short bursts of witty humor grace our screens. Got to admit though, most of them hold a dark sense of humor to the fact that for most, 2018 has been a bit of a rubbish year.

When I look back to the last 356 days I seem to naturally start gravitating to the more negative aspects, the things that left a funny, unpleasant taste in my mouth for the rest of the year. It’d be so easy for me to only look at the hardship and pain leaving me agreeing with twitter in saying 2018 was a rubbish year. But unlike most I have a memory bank that allows me to not forget any moment that matters, and that memory bank come in the form of this blog.

When scrolling back over this years posts, my life that I’ve shared with thousands of people on the internet, I can’t help but feel a whole heap of respect for this year. It’s by no means been easy, but 2018 has been a year that’s truly made a difference. So I’m breaking out of the negativity and sharing with you all today how blogging in 2018 has made a diffrence.

I hope you enjoy


Continue reading “How blogging in 2018 made a difference”

In an age of planners and organisation can we really plan in our faith?

I had a weird realization yesterday as I scrolled through Etsy.

I was looking for next years planner, debating whether I wanted to stuck with my good old trusty bullet journal or transition into something much more flexible like a travelers notebook. I’m not sure how many others also give so much consideration into a few pieces of papers, but for me I just need a physical planner to get me through a year (I can’t stand any of that electronic stuff).

Pages deep into the wonderful site I’d settled on a planner (a travelers notebook) and was considering how many inserts I’d need and of what type. One lesson my dad taught me was to have a plan, a five year plan at the minimum and that’s a lesson that’s suck with me. I find myself very unsettled when I can’t see where I’m going, what my year will look like and it’s translated over into how I use my planners. 

I’ve chosen to use a travelers notebook for 2019 because I think it’s going to give me the flexibility a bullet journal can’t, but that got me thinking…

How much flexibility is there is my life plan for God to move? Continue reading “In an age of planners and organisation can we really plan in our faith?”

Why does my passion have to feel so shameful?

I’ve been doing a lot of scrolling through the internet trying to find youth based projects who are advertising for writers. Lately I’ve been trying to expand my writing portfolio and thought this would be a starting point. Surprisingly, I’ve come across one or two and have been looking into applying for them.

One thing I do love about this generation of youth is that we’re probably one of the most empowered generations going and have been enabled to have a voice with the platforms necessary to use it. Many of us feel passionate about something and for young writers that creates the awesome space for us to pick up our pens and start writing to change the world. I too have a passion, something I want to use my voice, pick up my pen and change the world.

My passion to see people with anorexia healed is what drives this blog.

Through my own recovery I so often have spoken about my relationship with God and how it was through him that I was set free from my eating disorder. So when I see a call for young writers to create articles to create change, my immediate thought is to use my testimony to help others.

I was once told that I have a golden ticket testimony, that it will change lives and yet, I hesitate talking about my journey of freedom anywhere else other than this blog. Continue reading “Why does my passion have to feel so shameful?”

Anyone else feel like they’re missing something?

How are we all doing today?

The rain has finally taken a break where I live and the sun is shining through my bed room window as I write. As the grey dampness that is England lifted my mood has perked up a bit what is wonderful.

Today’s post is going to have more of a colloquial chatty style, I don’t have anything structured or planned, I’m simply just going to be sitting at my laptop and talking to you all. I feel it’s been too long since I’ve done a post like this and I find them really beneficial as the writer, it’s like a more punctuated, better spelled brain dump.

I’ve got my favorite song playing in the background (The Woods by Hollow Coves, just incase you were wondering) a lemon tea in my green fish mug and a packet of Quavers next to me. I feel like I’m in a YA novel, recreating the moment when the protagonist is about to make some life changing decision or action (I wish). Continue reading “Anyone else feel like they’re missing something?”