A letter to my childhood self

Dear Arabella.

We’ve always loved to write letters, we send them out to so many people hoping that one day we’ll get one in return, so today I’m writing one to you.

I hope this makes you smile.


I imaging you growing up as you read this. Starting in primary school sitting cross legged on our trampoline, it was our favorite place to sit after school, and carrying this letter all the way to college when you’ll need it most. I guess I don’t want to start off to heavy, so I’ll ask what we always ask people when we write our letters, how are you?

I’m well, had a rough morning but I’ve got some lemon tea next to me and I’m comfortable in my room. We still live in the same house, I’m still in the same room but I painted over the rainbow on our wall a few years ago, I know you’re a pink person at the moment but you’ll grow out of it sooner or later and you’ll decide that ice blue walls suite our personality better than yellow walls and rainbows. On the topic of change, you should see what we do to our hair. Yes the long hair was pretty, but I cut it short a year or so back, at the moment I’m not sure you’d thank me for it.

Speaking of hair, remember how you promised Grandad that you’d never dye your hair? Well I’m afraid that you turn it purple, pink and even green for a short period of time. We never had the confidence to change all of it, but you dip dye it and have a few peekaboo highlights and sadly the pink doesn’t wash out in time for school. So we worry that we’ll get in trouble for it, you plat it in beautiful braids and wrap them round your head like a crown to distract people from your pink hair.

You never have detention in your entire life, we become a bit of a goodie two shoes but that’s ok. Studying hard distracts you from things and you come away from school with good grades. If I’m honest with you, the pressure you put yourself through isn’t good. For crying out loud you do not need to give yourself a breakdown over your french GCSE exam, you’re never going to use it so please just fail it and take the pressure off yourself. You never even have a interview for University, they take one look at your college grades and you get an unconditional offer, so there was no need to put so much pressure on yourself at school. You’re so smart and guess what? You learn how to solve Rubik cubes and you can even solve on in 1 minuet and 30 seconds. You’re going to doubt your intelligence though, when you’re 7 you’ll be having lessons in the SEN department and you’ll spend secondary school bouncing to and from it. Keep pushing though, you’ll blow every expectation they had for you out of the water. You’ll develop so many coping strategies that you’ll be getting ready to study English at university, even though you thought it wouldn’t be possible.

Our brother is going to talk us into going to church and you’re going to drag your feet and complain but it’s the best decision of your life. The first time you go, someone our age will catch your eye playing on the keyboard and I’m sorry but it’s ridiculously cheesy how quickly you fall for them. For the time being though you need and a friend and very soon they’ll need one too, so don’t do anything creepy and scare them off (seriously though, don’t be creepy), you’ll have your time with them and you’ll become more than friends and you’ll never want to leave them.

I know how we said we’d never do the whole church thing and you don’t like the whole idea of this God guy but I’m sorry, we put our pride aside and you give your life to God when you’re 16. Sure, you fight it for a good year and a half before doing it, but you’re in desperate need of a savior and Jesus is the only one who can do that job.


 

I don’t want to tell you about the storm that’s coming your way, the countless nights you’ll sleep on a damp pillow, exhausted from crying. Pay attention when your teachers tell you about bullying and what to do if it happens to you. People are going to beat you down all the way through your education and you’ll be so used to it that one day you’ll call your bully’s your friends, unable to tell the difference between them. Don’t make my mistake and close yourself off from people and emotions because of it, I spent my finaly two years at college being cold hearted and it does you no favors (it doesn’t suit you either).

If you want to save yourself a lot of hassle later on in life you should learn to say no pretty quickly. If you can learn to say that then you’ll avoid some situations that will leave you feeling uneasy for days. Oh and before I forget, just drink a damn beer kid! I get it, we don’t like the taste of it but just do us a favor and don’t be so tight. If you feel uneasy with it then wait till your 18, I know how we don’t like to brake rules, but just loosen up a little and just enjoy yourself. Who cares what people think of you, most people leave in the end anyway and keeping yourself shy to please people just hurts you.

As you walk from the changing rooms at school into the dance studio I want you to pay very close attention to a poster on your right. It will tell you the dangers of under eating and have information on eating disorders in general, read it and keep that in mind. You may dance now and be pleased with the body that you see now but you won’t forever. You’ll like it’s strength, how it carries you from competition to competition, you keep your shoulders back and your head held high. This strong, powerful body will soon waste away, people will mistake you for a 15 year old when you’re 20. I know you’re scared and skipping lunch to dance because you don’t want to face your friends but it’s going to introduce some bad habits into your life. In a few years they’ll escalate and you need to nip them in the bud now.

There’s a group of guys that hang out in the art studio, they’ll be a little too obsessed about anime and computer games but go and talk to them instead of dance. Yes, your friends won’t like you handing round with them but they don’t stay in your life all that long. Go find your people and ignore the others. Learn what pokemon is too, I regret not getting into it when I was your age because I’m so clueless as an adult and I think I missed out on something big.

The stuff that’s coming your way is going to come close to destroying you but you’ll learn so much through it all. You’re going to start this little blog and so many people are going to read your story. You’ll come away from all the bad stuff wanting to inspire and help people, knowing that won’t take the pain away of the things to come but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m truly sorry for the things you’re going to endure, but I’m trying my hardest now to create the best possible future for ourselves.

Brace yourself little one, you’ve got a bumpy ride ahead.

Love, Arabella.

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10 thoughts on “A letter to my childhood self

  1. wow, what a powerful and emotional post. I’ve always thought about writing a letter to my younger self but honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to emotionally handle it as just reading yours has me tearing up! What a great post though. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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