How many of you are still hung over from last night and how annoyed would you be if I start yelling HAPPY NEW YEAR!?
Folks we have somehow made it into 2019… would you just look at that. It’s now the time for those pesky new years resolutions from last year too have the dust blown off them and with a sigh of guilt, we’re gonna say we’re going smash them this year.
Guys, you know me by now… I don’t do new years resolutions, I’m more of a ‘I’m going to try to implement this lifestyle change right away instead of waiting until the next calendar milestone because I don’t want to waste time’ kinda person. I’m your friendly new years version of a bah humbug.
Whilst everyday brings new opportunity and even though I won’t be making any new years resolutions, I think the end of a year is a good platform to talk about the next 365 days and what we’re all expecting from them.
What I’m looking forward to in 2019
I can not wait until I go to University, I’m pretty much counting down the days at this point. Part of me is a bit wary that it’s going to kill off my love for writing but there we go, it’s something I’m just going to have to risk.
A fresh start in a new town is something I wish would come sooner.
I’ve also got my hands on a travelers notebook what I’m hoping will help me manage my time and anxiety better. I’ve used a bullet journal for 3 years but even though it has a flexible nature, I’ve found it’s not adapting to my life as much as I need it to. Therefor I’m optimistic about the TN’s nature. Let me know if you’d like to see some post of how I use my planners.
Coming into 2019 free of the ED was something I never expected to happen but it’s something I’m incredibly grateful for. Christmas was truly lovely, it was my first one in three years where I was not plagued by the worry of food and spent most of the time withdrawn in my room in fear of having to eat. I’m hoping that things carry on to get better in 2019 and I can work on not letting the worry of my mental health be the motive behind every decision I make.
What 2019 holds for this blog?
It’s been a bit of a sketchy few months of me writing here hasn’t it?
Since my recovery in August I’ve been struggling with topics to talk about. Truth be told I never planned for this blog once I had recovered, I didn’t even think I’d still be writing. But here we are, almost two years of writing later and I’ve run out of words to type.
I understand that the core of this blog is about mental health and my faith. But right now, now that I’m recovered, I don’t want anymore of my identity to be taken up by the battles in my head. I truly feel like I’m more than a bag full of mental illnesses and I think at this moment in time, reliving the hardest years through the words I type isn’t a good idea. I’m not saying it’s going compleatly, one day I’m going to use every scrap of experience I have to help people struggling know God. Right now though, I want a break.
Where does that leave Lost In The Story then?
Honestly? I don’t know.
I’m not ready to reflect on the time I had with anorexia just yet. I want to be moving forwards and not looking back. However, it’s also where my passion lies. So, I’m not ruling out those posts all together, I’m just saying there will be less for a little bit.
Just because I’m not going to be talking about my time with the ED as much, doesn’t mean I won’t be discussing faith. I’m in this weird limbo where I don’t have a church anymore (what is quite challenging in itself) and am feeling unsteady on where my next steps with God will be. For too many years my focus was letting God in to help me fight the ED, now that the fight is over I don’t really know where to go next. All I ask is that you bear with me and don’t expect me to have all the answers.
Those of you who have been here a while (or if anyone has bothered to look on my version of a about me page) then you’ll know that I originally wanted to share some of my writing with you all on here. That obviously hasn’t happened… what is a bit of an oops on my behalf. Somewhere along the line I lost my creative expression (I talked about it briefly in my last post). That one is no ones fault but my own. I found that my writing posts didn’t generate as much views as my other chatty ones, and as a student studying business I felt like that was a bad thing, so I simply didn’t write those post anymore and focused on the ones that got more response from you guys. I’m mildly disappointed at myself for getting caught up with my stats and not focusing on what I actually wanted to be writing. I’m hoping to break away from the pressure of page views and go back to writing what I enjoy this year.
All in all, I’m going into 2019 with a much more positive outlook that the previous year. I’m hoping to really get to know you guys more, be a more active part in the blogging community and hopefully make some friends along the way.
There will be a lot of experimentation, new ideas and old ones revamped coming up. I know not all of them will be successful or write well, but please stick with me. This year is an exciting time for this blog and I really want you to come along for the ride.
So, happy new year to you all and I’ll see you in my next post.