Walking blind

Every now and then God shows me something that really blows my socks off.

Part of me really wishes that God would give me visions and dreams, words of knowledge and all that big bright flashy gifts, to use me in a visible and active way to show his love to people directly. However, so far he hasn’t what is also chill as well. I’ve never had a word for someone or anything like that, but that doesn’t mean he can’t show me things.

Occasionally he reveals things to me about the path he’s taking me on that really does make me go ‘wow’. In my darkest moments I can see his hand in all of it and whilst that doesn’t take away the pain of the situation, it does give me hope and comfort.

That’s what I’d like to share with you today.

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So let’s take a stroll down memory lane to 2016 and my first year of college.

I was currently studying a BTEC in applied science that specialized in forensic (the really cool CSI suff hat you see on TV) and I wasn’t exactly enjoying it. I loved the course and my tutors, but quickly decided that I was not interested in taking a career in science. I was also struggling with my peers.

I never fell out with any of them, I really liked them as individuals. However, in a group the environment became toxic for me. None of them were responsible for my eating disorder, I had entered college already battling my mental health, but some of the things that was spoken about or done didn’t exactly help.

Due to this, by the end of the first year I was going to leave the course. I had applied and got a place in two neighboring colleges and was looking for a third option. For what ever reason, the idea of going to another college just didn’t sit right.

This is the point where I start to see God’s hand in all of this.

Out of all the things I had to get done in the summer holidays, going to the opticians was one of the most straight forward tasks on my list. However, it turned out to be one of the most complicated. We we’re messed around big time at the practise I was at. What then left my mum and myself sitting in the waiting area over a month later from when I had my sight test. I was stressed out about college, I had always wanted to become a writer but I knew there was no carer in it so I had to choose something else. It was in that moment I decided my career.

I wanted to become and optician.

I was so convinced that this was what I wanted that I spent the next three days researching what I needed to do to become one.

Prior to this though, I had been praying constantly for direction.What did God want me to do? What was his plan for me?

Want to know the amazing thing?

On the third day of me researching for this job, an apprenticeship opened up at the local Specsavers, the timing was unreal.

So I applied and two weeks later I got a call for an interview.

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I’d like to say I got the possition, but spoiler alert.

I didn’t.

I got called into the interview and I remember being really scared. This was the first job interview of my life and I was not prepared for it. But it went really well, that was untill the lady conducting the interview said that she was never going to offer me it. She wasn’t even going to call me in for the interview, my grades were too high as she openly said that returning to college would be best for me, especially because I wanted to become an optician. She only called me in to give me the experience of having an interview.

I was pretty deflated, I’m not going to lie. However, what happened next though, I didn’t expect.

I was offered a job!

Turns out one of the Saturday girls was heading off to University in two weeks time. They had yet to get anyone to replace her, so there was a space available. All of these was compleatly unprompted, proven by the fact that the lady interviewing me had to quickly rush off to check with the higer up staff that it was actually aloud. An hour later I was leaving the store with a Sauterday job. I could not belive it.

But things didn’t stop there.

Having the Saturday job allowed me to go back to college. It gave me insight into the ‘adult’ world and gave me hope of a future as a optician. It didn’t mean the year was easy, but it gave me a focus on the bad days.

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Through out my second year I found that I didn’t really want to become an optician. Having the Saturday job gave me an insight into the running of that career and I didn’t really think it was for me.

I am so grateful for my job, without it I would have applied to go to university, only to find that it wasn’t the career for me.

Speaking of uni…

I got an email from UCAS.

Guess who’s going to university!?

Remember how I said it had always been a dream of mine to become an author? I got accepted into my university of choice to study creative and professional writing.

I am so excited.


I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:

“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”

And he relied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

I got given this quote at the last cafe church I attended.

Sometimes, we ask God to show us what’s in store. We want to know our purpose and everything that he’s got planned for us. We want a light so we can see where we’re going.

But that doesn’t require a lot of faith does it?

It’s so much harder to say ‘Ok God, I know that you have a plan for me, I trust that you want what’s best for me and I know that you’ll never leave me.’ and give him your hand.

To walk blind in life and trust God is hard.

But if I knew what would come out of applying for the apprenticeship, would I have done it?

If I knew that I would have to go back to college to do a second year with that class, would have I gone without moaning and dragging my heels?

Probably not.

If I knew that I would be back in college, whilst my fiends have fun at uni, would I have carried on with God had in store for me?


 

If anything, these last few months I’ve learned tat God really does know me.

He has my best interest at heart and he knows what he’s doing.

So instead of saying to God “Light my path so I can see” maybe I should be saying “Here’s my hand, I trust you, please guide me.”

 

 

 

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