Now that a full term at college is over, it’s time for our reports to be sent home to parents.
Some students dread them. Some, like me don’t really waste too much time worrying about them. I know that I haven’t been too irritating this year, so I don’t give them a second glance.
I’m not sure how it works in other colleges but in mine, the report gets sent to us students and not to our parents. The only thing our parents get is an email to say our reports are out, it’s up to us students to actually hand it over.
I was off ill yesterday, when they were posted on our accounts, so this morning in my free I say down in the library to have a look.
Arabella is a very diligent, committed student who has produced some excellent work so far this year and there is no reason to believe that this will not continue for the remainder of the academic year. Arabella has shown a quiet authority in group work and she has demonstrated the ability to organise herself and others to achieve positive results in practical tasks. The only negative to date would be the disappointing attendance figures that can hopefully be improved in the coming weeks.
This is the one wrote by my personal tutor. I was correct in thinking that I wasn’t too much of an irritating madam this year.
But there’s something that bothering me…
The only negative to date would be the disappointing attendance figures
Yeah… that bit.
Personally I’m thinking ‘disappointment’ is a bit harsh when my attendance is at 90%.
My attendance isn’t that terrible.
But it’s really bothering me.
My entire report was excellent, but I’m caught up on that one negative thing, especially with use of the word disappointing. It’s shadowing everything good that was said about me.
All I can focus on it the one negative, that my report isn’t perfect.
I will fully admit that I’m a mild perfectionist.
I hold all the values of a perfectionist to myself, what I do has to be up to unmaintainable standards. However, for other people I’m far more tolerant and understanding.
But at what point does the pressure I put on myself to be perfect get too much?
After getting accepted in university I’ve been doing some real thinking. I have a place at my dream University to study my dream job! I’m in, I have all the needed qualification already. I have an unconditional offer, I don’t need this BTEC in businesses that I’m currently studying.
So why am I doing this course?
Why am I putting myself under so much stress to get a qualification I don’t need?
I guess I’m doing it for my personal development.
I want to publish a book one day, I’m not naive enough to think that I just write the book and it reaches thousands of people. I know what I’m learning now will help in years to come. But seriously Arabella, do you really need to be so caught up on one small word?
From my musings though, I decided to look after myself.
I’m struggling, soon I’ll make a post about my recovery, but right now I just need to look after me.
What I’ve needed recently is to take some days off.
No, I’m not skiving, nor do I promote taking excess days off your education. I’m ahead in my class, I’ve also exceeded the difficulty of the qualification that I’m taking, so assignments are a breeze. I can take a day off and catch up very quickly and there is a member of college staff that know my situation.
These days off consist of me either being with people who make me feel better, like the amazing book thief that I’m dating or with my mum. Sometimes I spend it in the living room, snuggled in a blanket doing my assignment work in a safe comfortable environment where I can eat without any pressure.
Naturally these days off will affect my attendance.
But I need them right now.
My previous tutor from my days of forensic science is aware of what’s going off. He’s the only tutor I can trust in the college to talk to about my situation. He’s also a member of the safeguarding team, so he’s a safe person to talk to and therefore, the person I touch base with. So someone in college knows and it’s on their big database.
So do I really need to be getting so hung up on one simple negative?
I’ve had some great successes lately. I’ve been accepted into University, I’ve passed my qualification with Guides and am officially a leader, I’ve been given more responsibility since becoming a leader and I’m deepening my relationship with God after a very dark time.
Why on earth am I so hung up on one small negative?
Why as a society, do we get so locked on to all the bad things or comments and completely dismiss all the positive good things?
I’m never going to be perfect in this life. The only person who ever was and is perfect is Jesus. Therefore, maybe aiming for society version of perfection isn’t what I should be doing. Instead, I should be seeking to live a life like Jesus and spend more time thanking God for the successes he’s blessed me with.
“Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” – Mathew 5:48
God’s type of perfect doesn’t fit into society’s version of perfect.
God is perfect in love, he’s generous, forgiving and a perfect father.
I’ll say it again
God is perfect in love.
He’s so much more than good grades, bad grade, good report, bad reports. He’s so much more than our best days and worse days. He’s so much bigger than having perfect skin, perfect beauty, perfect social status.
Let’s take our eyes off pursuing an earthly version of perfection, and shift our focus to God’s version.
God loved the word so much he sent us his son. How about we focus on laying down our own lives and living to show this broken world God’s love?
I will not fear earthly things.
For my God is the creator of the universe.
He knows my name, and he calls me daughter.