What am I doing?

What on earth am I doing?

This is a question I ask myself an awful lot and truth be told that’s probably not a good thing, I say laughing nervously.

It’s been a whole 6 months since Lost In The Story has been my chosen corner of the internet to have a good old ramble. Some of you guys have been following my blog for half a year! How cool is that? You guys are totally amazing!

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Out of pure procrastination of the two assignment I am currently avoiding, this evening I ended up on the glorious thing that is YouTube.

You know how it is with YouTube, you plug-in your headphones to listen to some music and next thing you know you’re watching a Ted Talk on the importance of giant sea clams (true story, I have done that in the past) and his evening was no different. Only this evening I didn’t end up learning about giant shells, no, this evening I got onto the topic of how to earn money through blogging.

Now, my fellow bloggers (totally say Hi in the comments and leave a link to your blog and I’ll check it out, I like finding new blogs to read) will know how often we come across videos or posts that are titled How to make £2000 in your first month of blogging. You seriously can’t escape these things. There seems to be some obsession about making money though our lovely corners of the internet, what I totally get. I have personally spent hours and hours slaving over Lost In The Story. The amount of time I invest in my posts is insane. So yes, it would be amazing to turn my blog into a career, I understand why people would want to do that.

But this got me thinking.

What am I doing on Lost In The Story?

Seriously, what on earth am I doing?

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What people don’t know is that Lost In The Story has been around for almost two years now, yes two years! What doesn’t make sense right? Earlier I was celebrating using this blog for 6 months and now I’m telling you that I’ve been around for two years.

I’m going to back track a little.

I very briefly talk about this in my ‘about me‘ section. But, this blog was created during my first year of college. I posted about 3 times then it was left to fade away because I had forgotten my log in details so couldn’t delete my it.

Another fact about me is that it’s my dream to become an author one day. I want to be a writer and have a published book. It’s been my dream since I was in Primary School and I have made many attempts at writing a book.

The most logical option for me would have been to take A level English, right? studying English would have given me a firm foundation to take my writing further than just exams and essays at school. Butttttt, I didn’t do this, I decided to study Forensic Science. The most English I did was writing one lab report for an assignment. Not the course to be doing if I wanted a career in writing.

This is how Lost In The Story was thought up, hence the word story in the title. I needed a safe place to explore and practice writing story’s. I also had got a lot of apprehension of my dad when I told him I wanted to become an author, he suggested I make my own blog to explore a career in journalism. I have no desire to become a journalist, but thanks Dad for the inspiration.

I did very little on the blog at this point, I only posted a few times, it even looked compleatly different. If I remember correctly it was pink themed, goodness knows what I was thinking.

But I knew what I was doing.

I was blogging to improve my writing. A very reasonable and valid motive for my blog.

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How about now though, why do I blog now?

Lost In The Story’s purpose is to use my personal experiences, testimony and struggles with my own mental illnesses, like anorexia, to reach out, help, inspire, motivate and educate people with eating disorders or menatl illnesses. In short,

I want to tell you about the God that saved my life. 

For me that’s a valid reason for blogging. If I can just help one person, all those hours I spent staring at my laptop and getting repetitive strain in my wrist would be worth it.

For some reason though, I feel really inadequate  as a blogger. I have a really small following (you guys are all epic though and you really make my day when you comment and say Hi) I’m not writing into a big or popular niche and my blog isn’t all that pretty.

None of these things bother me in the slightest when I don’t look at other blogs, when I don’t compare myself to them. But when I do, I get so disheartened. I could be reaching so many more people. At times like this I can’t help but wonder, what am I doing?

Am I doing this right?

My motive isn’t to earn money though Lost In The Story and that feels so wrong, I’ll be honest and say that it feels wrong that my motive isn’t to make money. People blog out of passion and love for a subject. But where do the lines blur from writing because you enjoy it and writing because you want a large paycheck at the end of the month?

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Some people will argue that money is the biggest motivator. I’m here to argue that it’s not.

Helping people is enough for me.

 

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