So remember a while back that I wrote a post called coffee shops and counselling? I really liked doing a little reflection from my sessions, I found that it really helped me get my thoughts together afterwards. So Today I’m back in my favorite coffee shop, Liar Liar, doing another one.
So I may have hit a little bit of a stumbling block a few days back and have been a having a little bit of a hard time getting myself back on track. A challenge that I’ve been walking through as part of my sessions is how many days in a row I can eat ‘normally’ for. I manged 4 days then last week had that little stumble and only managed 3. Despite the stumble, these numbers are such big achievement for me, they really are and I’m really pleased with them.
Today after discussing what went wrong last week and working on some new techniques on how to cope if what caused me to stumble happens again, S (my name for my counselor on my blog) set a big step for me.
Go 5 days eating normally.
Instead of being horrified by this, I’M REALLY EXCITED.
I really can’t believe that I’m excited that I’m going to be trying to eat properly for such a long time. What is wrong with me?
For those of you who have never experienced the black lash of an ED, this might seem like such a simple, easy thing that you an do without even thinking. But for me, this is going to be so hard, I know this. S had told me that this will be a challenge and I have come to terms with this already.
I don’t know about you, but everyone I’ve spoke to in either the counseling or medical profession have always used the image of cars when it comes to fighting an eating disorder.
One of the first things my Doctor said to me when I was fist referred with a suspected eating disorder was this,
Will your car work if you don’t put petrol in it? No, it’ll stop working. Your body is the same thing, you might hate eating but at the end of the day your body is like that car. If you don’t put fuel in it you will stop working.
I’ve battled with this for a while. Those closest to me will know that even despite have a qualification in science, I still will always question WHY? when i’m told to eat. Why do I need to eat? Why can’t I live off 1200 calories (No, I don’t eat that little everyday, my daily average has gone up so it’s now closer to 2000).
S told me this today, and it’s a really good little tip to remember when I’m struggling.
Your body is going to be the best vehicle you’re ever going to have and it’s going to have to last you a long time.
Your body is a Ferrari. Some people have lorries, but your’s is a Ferrari, so you look after that vehicle and it’ll take you far
It sounds so silly right?
But it makes so much sense. When you push back all the layers you get to one simple thing, your body is such a gift, its the best vehicle you’ll ever have and you’re going to have it for the rest of your life. You’ve been handcrafted by God, who does NOT make mistakes.
So when things get bad, strip things down to the raw basics. Your body is like a car, if you don’t put fuel in it, it will not run. Don’t think of it as food, think of it as fuel.
It’s early days, I only just heard this little pearl of wisdom today and I have no idea how it will work out. But right now, I feel a little bit more optimistic about the next 5 days and if I can reach my goal. I won’ kid myself for a second that this will be easy to do, because it won’t be.
But I can try.