Finding Him in the mess

 

Life is a messy bed room.

You claim to know where everything is hiding, you know where everything is, but when someone asks you to find the phone charge you borrowed last week off them and put it in your room, you suddenly can’t find it. In fact you can find everything except the phone charger. Who else has experience this?

Your messy bed room is comforting. Full of your possessions, they bring back memories of days gone by. The photo that hangs on your wall reminds you of the day you went out for a meal with your friends the week before one of them left to live in Australia. But when it’s night-time and you need to go to the toilet, you stumble and trip over your memories and possessions. In times of light and day your room is comforting but in the dark nights it is a hinderance that will probably end up with you tripping up and breaking your neck.

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My life is a messy bed room.

My life is something I claim to know where everything is, but I can’t find the one thing I’m after. I can’t find God in my life, I can find everything but God.

My life is full of comforts and memories, people of my past. A pleasant memory in the good days but a optical when dark days come.


I had been praying for a long time for a mentor, someone I could talk honestly with, someone I could ask questions and ask for prayer.

God was gracious and answered my prayers.

I’ve been talking to her about things that had been happening more closer to home, what had been going off in church, my family, in my relationships.

I told her that I was struggling to see God in what was happening, how I was struggling to see how God was in control of a situation that is only getting worse. I said I knew that  needed to keep my eyes on Jesus but it was so hard, I was confused.

In response she sent me this passage to look at.

Matthew 14:22-33

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Walks on the Water

22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

She told me that sometimes in out Christian faith we have to fix our eyes on Jesus when the storms comes.

The one night I’d had a particularly painful conversation with a family member. By the end of the night I was sitting on my messy bed room floor, as the rest of the house slept, crying. Whilst the conflict was resolved I was still confused. I didn’t know who to trust, what to trust or what to do next. This wasn’t something that I could just brush under the rug and hoped it went away.

I was having a bit of a rant at God, I was listing everyone that I couldn’t trust and why I couldn’t trust them. I was honest about my pain and just went for it. In the mists of listing everyone I couldn’t trust two simple quite words made their way to the front of my mind.

Trust me

It cut my rant short I can tell you that much.

In a messy life where there was few to trust there was someone I could trust, God.

I could trust his word, his unfailing love, his grace, his power, his kindness.

I can trust him.

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Sometimes in our walk with God we just need to fix our eyes on him, root ourselves in his word, his promises to us.

I struggle with this, I won’ lie. But it’s something I need to do. It’s something a lot of us need to do.

When I say root ourselves in him I don’t just mean read the bible either.

It’s not about reading the bible. It’s about getting to know the author

I heard this on the radio a few days ago and it really made an impression on me. How many times had I picked up the bible and started reading because it was the christian thing to do? How many times I had I brought my bible to church but it had never left my bag? If you asked my church I don’t think any of them would know I brough my bible with me every week. How many times have I reached for my phone and not the word of God in times of trouble and sadness?

Maybe the reason why I couldn’t find God in my messy bedroom was because I wasn’t truly searching for him. I was letting myself get distracted by material things that surrounded me. Instead of relentlessly going through the piles of junk in my room, pulling the wardrobe out from the wall to look behind it, I was only skimming my eyes over the mess and deciding that if God wasn’t surrounded in big flashy lights saying ‘I am here’ then he wasn’t in my room.

Maybe I wasn’t really looking.


So how do you find him in the mess?

You search for him.

You tie your hair back, push the curtains aside, open the window and let fresh air in, with bin bag in hand and you search. You clear out your room of the junk, of the mess, the pointless things. You listen to worship music and dance, you seek him with all you’ve got and you soak yourself in his word.

Don’t wait for spring, do it now.

 

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